On Friday October 4th we drove through tons of rain and occasional lightning to Sandusky Ohio.  There, we visited a place I had been wanting to revisit for a very, very long time: Cedar Point.

If you don't know about Cedar Point, you've just flunked out of Grizzo's College of Roller Coaster Knowledge!  Check this out:

• Cedar Point has been awarded "best amusement park in the world" by Amusement Today for 16 years straight, which seems fair to me
• As of 2013, Cedar Point has sixteen roller coasters, second most of any park in the world
• Cedar Point regularly opens roller coasters that are record breaking: The Magnum XL-200 was the tallest and fastest roller coaster when it opened, the Millenium Force was the tallest and fastest complete circuit coaster when it opened, Top Thrill Dragster was the tallest and fastest when it opened, etc...
• Emilio and I rode 12 roller coasters at Cedar Point, skipping a couple older coasters and a kiddie rides, taking a total of 19 roller coaster rides in 1.5 days, and one absolutely horrifying swing ride

So we had Friday night from 6pm to Midnight then Saturday from 10am to Midnight to ride roller coasters.  On Friday night there were only a select few coasters running, but most of the raddest ones were among those few.  I kind of thought we might get tired on Saturday and decide to stop riding roller coasters early.  I was wrong.

Friday Night, 6pm

We dumped our stuff in a hotel room and left for the park.  Emilio said "run!", so we walked.  Because our hotel was behind the park we didn't enter through the main gate (where the brand-new "Gatekeeper" roller coaster is located) but through a rear gate.

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We work with a dude named Nick Nerbonne who, when he found out we were going to Cedar Point, got really fired up.  He told us that the first thing we should do is go on the "Top Thrill Dragster". He also told us that the Dragster was the only roller coaster you had to sit in the front seat for.

[/aside]

So we walk into the park, and after taking a few photos with random dinosaurs scattered around, we saw our first roller coaster.  Once I saw the sign that said "Top Thrill Dragster", I knew it was time to make Nick proud.  As we headed towards the line entrance, Emilio and I couldn't fail to notice that this particular roller coaster seemed really intense-- it doesn't start by rolling up a hill, it just blasts off towards its only hill, and a gigantic huge towering hill it is.  In fact, that one hill is why this was the world's first "stratacoaster", which means "huge fucking terror track".  Honestly, just standing there watching it go is pretty surreal.  We both felt a little weird and tripped out, so we decided to go for it.

There was hardly anybody around so nobody was lined up in the huge mazes where people normally line up like cattle.  We were able to pass through gates that would sometimes be closed due to large crowds, and we had no idea how lucky we were. Anyways, we waltzed right to the loading area.  We got in line for the first row and waited a couple minutes.

Top Thrill Dragster

So you get on this thing and get strapped in, and then it scoots you forward slowly until you are stopped in front of these racing lights (which are also present on the track itself, far ahead of you in the distance).  Then some hilarious engine revving sounds happen and the lights change and OH MY GOD your life is ruined.  You go flying forward so fast that, if your face has any amount of flappiness to it, that shit is flapping all over like a chicken who just won powerball.  I know this for a fact.  So you're moving forward pretty fast.

OK so that's happening to me and Emilio.  Then, while we're still freaking out about how rapidly we're accelerating, we suddenly go from traveling horizontally to vertically, which was actually pretty sweet.  But then we got to the top of the roller coaster, which is where I figuratively lost my shit.  The thing about the Dragster is, it doesn't have shoulder harnesses, or anything that covers the top of your body at all.  It's just got this bar in your lap.  Once that coaster reaches the peak of the hill, you feel completely ready to fall right out of that shit, straight down 400 feet.  Straight down! No joke.  In the front car, you just dangle there for a second while the weight of the front of the coaster begins to pull the rest of it down the hill, and that was the scariest moment of my entire time at Cedar Point.  I screamed super loud for as long as I could as hard as I could.  Then it was over.  My voice was blown out.

Emilio and I both stood around and shouted "oh my god" and "holy shit" at each other for a while.  We both felt crazy.  We felt like we'd been roller coastered straight to hell in the awesomest way possible.  It was super fun and scary.  We literally jumped up and down.

Millennium Falcon

Emilio and I were a little wobbly in the knees after the Top Thrill Dragster.  But being at Cedar Point is like the playoffs: you gotta get back in the game!

So we walked around the park a couple minutes until we saw some people going in a certain direction, and so went there and got in that line too, which turned out to be an awesome idea.  That line was for Millennium Force!

I was pumped for Millennium Force, as I'd read about how it had won "#1 steel roller coaster in the world" a bunch of times.  We waited a couple minutes in line for this one, because once again we weren't willing to set anywhere but the front row.  If we'd rode the middle of the coaster, we could have just walked on, but we didn't realize what a crazy luxury that was until the next day.  But no regrets, because the front car of Millennium Force is fantastically, amazingly fucking awesome.  Also, while you're standing in line, you are separated from the passing coasters by only a few feet (and a thick fence), so that you can feel an intense blast of air from it as it goes by.  That was rad, and kind of scary, because that shit goes by super fast.

The first thing to know about Millennium Force is that it doesn't fuck around with a bunch of inversions and loops and bullshit all over the place.  Nah, this coaster is about going super fucking fast and a quick pass through a dinosaur exhibit.  Yes it's as awesome as it sounds! Also, it was so much fun that after we rode it, we both thought it was called "Millennium Falcon".  Because hanging out with Han Solo and Chewbacca would be almost as awesome.

Here's how it went.  First, we get dragged up a huge, HUGE gigantic hill.  It takes a long-ass time to get to the top, and by the time we did, I was getting pretty freaked out by the height.  But not to worry-- there's a huge drop first thing, and Millennium Force doesn't let off the gas pedal after that.  Seriously it's awesome.  OK and then there are some dinosaurs down in some trees.  But I actually never saw those because I was too busy laughing and freaking out and cursing all the losers still waiting in line to get on this amazing, ridiculously fun ride.  I mean god damn!  I was laughing the whole fucking time, and it's a pretty long ride. And also there are a couple little hills that you go over so fast you feel weightless.  Also did I mention that tunnels on roller coasters are crazy?  Anyways Millennium Force was great, and Emilio and I both felt like a million bucks after riding it.  Man that shit was fun.